I’m planning to become a private tutor. This is the ad that will be seen in shops very soon!

Private Home Tutor for English

Name: Vickie Diablos
Subject(s): English (Maths and Science if required)
Available Area: Hong Kong
Age Range(s): any
Qualification: HKCEE English – A; A-level Physics, Chemistry, Biology, Mathematics, Further Mathematics
Other: 2 years in Southern England; very fluent in both Cantonese and English
Contact Details: 2XXXXXXX

Damn, wish I could put this ad up as well.

Hot Sexy Lesbian Seeking Lesbian

Name: Vickie Diablos
Subject(s): homosexuality
Available Area: where the sun doesn’t shine
Age Range(s): 16 or above
Qualification: out of the closet
Other: grrrrrr
Contact Details: 2XXXXXXX 24-hour hotline. Call now, baby!

Just kidding.