My Mama Thinks I’m Fake
posted on Sunday, February 20, 2005 @ 10:23 pm
We were randomly chatting about our future at the brunch table, when Bro surprised us with a plan I’m not sure whether he wants to share with the world just yet - or at all. 
Anyhow, Mum made the following comment to me, in regard to what Bro said -ish, afterwards.
“You could become an actress;” Awww. “since you’re so good at faking.“
Hmph… Now I’m flattered and offended at the same time. But, what?! Faking? I don’t remember ever being fake to her! Grumble, grumble.
Mum, Bro and I
posted on Friday, November 12, 2004 @ 11:24 pm
Mum, Bro and I watched the final episode of 爭分奪秒 (Split Second) together (Dad would have viewed the programme with the three of us if he hadn’t had to go to a gathering).
There was a scene where the guy in the middle pointed a gun point-blank at the head of the guy on his immediate left. The middle guy struggled between whether or not to fire.
“If he shot the guy at this range, his brains would be blown apart and his eyes might pop out.” Mum analysed. “Seriously, his eyes might pop into the shooter’s mouth, too.”
To which we giggled.
“Imagine this scene:” Bro changed into a stern tone. “I’m not going to shoot you because your eyes might pop into my mouth.”
And we all burst into laughter.
We’re a sick family. We are.
Bits of Randomness
posted on Wednesday, December 17, 2003 @ 11:25 pm
I watched my first episode of “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” the other night, alone. Shoot me, but I found the gay guys, although pretentious, very cute and adorable. (I wasn’t surprised as I’m all for femininity.)
I randomly brought up the subject at the dinner table that night, and Mum immediately showed her distaste.
“Gay guys are disgusting. Don’t you think?”
“To think so, Mum, you are disgusting.”
No, I didn’t say that. I kept quiet. Somehow her affirmation doesn’t seem to matter that much any more.
The thing that I’d be happy and Mum wouldn’t is that, my feeling for him isn’t so strong now. I’m glad it’s just another infatuation; and despite the confusion and everything, it felt good while it lasted.
Actually, I think I’ll even be joining my first meeting (barbeque) with the other out-of-the-closet (or not?) lesbians out there, organised by my local lesbian organisation. You know, to make love and so - friends; to make friends, I mean.
Oh, and I’ll be getting my own domain very soon! Isn’t that exciting? My first ever domain?
Wait, why am I here? Engineering Mechanics, Engineering Mechanics, Engineering Mechanics…
I Fell…
posted on Sunday, November 16, 2003 @ 11:32 pm
I don’t remember when this “fatal attraction” all started; but I do remember the first time we talked. It was in a Life Sciences class, and he made me laugh out loud with his very first sentence.
I never saw him as a potential lover, and would never guess that I’d ever fall for him - thinking that I was a pure lesbian and all. But then not very soon later, I started to discover his charm. He was never pretentious, so you could say that his naturalness “got to” me.
He possesses pretty much all the “superficial qualities” I ask of from a partner. He’s academically brilliant, hardworking, athletic, tall, has a good sense of humour (sarcasm at times); generally fun and comfortable to be with. He has everything, except that he… is a “he”.
There’s nothing wrong with me to like him, I don’t think, and I’d still call myself a lesbian. After all I still only lust after a woman’s body. I still find my eyes following pretty girls on the street. I still enjoy lesbian porn a lot. Oops, I didn’t say that.
There’s nothing wrong! There’s nothing wrong! There’s nothing wrong! I don’t mind being “normal”. I don’t mind getting married “normally” and build a “normal” family. I don’t mind that at all!
Go for him, I hear you say. I would; the normal Vickie would so go for him, would so already have gone for him. But I hesitated, because of something that seems oh-so-silly and insignificant.
Back in June when I came out to my family, Mum made it very clear that she was upset about my sexual preference. She told me that homosexuality was bad, wrong and abnormal, and I could choose to stay single forever if I really couldn’t find a guy that I liked enough to be with. Now that I’ve fallen for a guy, she would, no doubt, be all proud and “told-you” and “I-knew-it”.
Fuck, why should I care what she thinks if me going for him would make us both happy anyway? Why should I care that the others would think that I’m converting back to the right from sins? Just why should I?
*sigh* Gareth was right, I’ve betrayed the sisterhood of lesbians (although he was only joking). I think I should be burnt to death as a punishment. Or actually, I should get a woman quick.
I guess nobody really understands how I feel right now…
*sigh*. And *sigh*.
Gone but Never Forgotten
posted on Tuesday, September 30, 2003 @ 10:27 pm
This originally was a mini “tribute” to my hamster Lublub, who died around this hour last night. But you know, I just can’t do this thing - it’s too tough for me. Three other hamsters (2 girls and another boy) have also died one, two years ago, and we loved them just as much. It’s unfair if I only did this for Lublub, just because he died after I started this diary.
Other updates: Parents still trying to convince themselves that their daughter would get a boyfriend. A rich boyfriend, more specifically.
Yes, I might. It’s not totally impossible. I can’t say for sure that I won’t find Mr. Rich - err, Mr. Right, but if I should meet Miss Right before that, I already know what I’d do.
But to think I’ll have to put up with double the PMS again…
As you can see, I already feel a lot better than yesterday. 
