Vickiepedia

posted on Sunday, April 19, 2009 @ 11:49 am

Something shiny caught my attention as I walked past the working space of one office lady during lunch — a new 17-inch LCD computer monitor. (This was a few years ago.) I leaned in with an ooooooh to check out this hottie (the screen), and quickly noticed that the office lady was still using the old screen resolution from her last setting.

“This is a five-by-four screen,” I said. “You’re still using a four-by-three resolution on it.”

She blinked.

“You know? The ratio? Five… to… four,” I explained, accompanied with body motions that somewhat resembled the chicken dance.

Turns out when someone doesn’t speak your “language”, speaking slowly or doing the chicken dance doesn’t really help.

I grabbed her mouse as she continued to look at me in confusion. Minimise all, right click, click, click, click, click: 1280×1024; there, a correct screen resolution for a shiny new screen. I smiled, satisfied, and turned to walk away (casually noting the lingering confusion on the colleague’s face), giving myself a mental pat on the shoulder for an unpaid job well done.

“OH MY GOD!” A scream of terror.

I paused, thinking if I’d forgotten to apply the new screen resolution setting properly so the screen had automatically reverted back to 1024×768 while she’s admiring the sharper images. It didn’t.

“Why is everything so tiny? Why do I look so fat in the picture?!” She cried.

And then I cried too.

(She insisted on switching back to 1024×768. I undid my mental pat on the shoulder and complied.)

posted on Friday, April 17, 2009 @ 2:02 pm

Because nobody tagged me and nobody asked and nobody cares, here’s what’s in my inventory bag!

1. Tissue – I used to use one pack a day before I was treated for my perennial allergic rhinitis; now I rarely need it, and can breathe through my nose, too. Thank you, Science and Medicine.
2. Scientific Calculator – proof that I still haven’t graduated.
3. Mirror – for when I notice people staring at my face. Do I have stuff on my face? On my hair? On my shirt? Why? Stop staring at me, please!
4. MP3 Player – with classical and game music in it; also serves as my USB stick.
5. Umbrella – you laugh at me for carrying it around now, but guess who gets to pick up that lady in the sudden downpour? (Reality #1: Most ladies are straight.) (Reality #2: Vickie is too shy.) (Reality #3: The umbrella is too small for 2 people.)
6. Keys – I don’t drive, obviously. Keychain is a souvenir from Dad.
7. Wallet – birthday gift (I think) from Mum.
8. Pen – fountain pens > your ballpoints.

Plus tampons on the bleeding days. (Useless information: My period is so regular I know when it’d start almost down to the hour.)

P.S. My mobile phone is a little camera-shy.

P.P.S. This entry was brought to you by yet another episode of procrastination. I’ll probably never graduate.

posted on Sunday, August 24, 2008 @ 3:08 pm

Like many unsuspecting foreigners who tried to get their own phone line and an acceptable broadband connection in Australia, Vickie, after some research, stupidly went with Optus’ phone line. Surely as a competitor, Optus would provide all of what Telstra could provide… or so she thought. (But they do offer an online sign-up with even their cheapest plan, which is really nice to people who have a phone anxiety like yours truly. (Don’t worry, nobody else who knows about this takes my anxiety seriously either.))

Apparently, however, with Optus’ phone line you’re pretty much stuck with Optus’ ADSL plans or nothing, which, of course, the company never mentioned or hinted because they want to sell their own overpriced products. What also irked me was that none of my Australian computerphile and technophile friends who heard about my plan of getting a new connection seem to be aware of this, or didn’t think it was necessary to warn me at all. No, it’s not their fault; I just want to blame someone, okay? THIS IS MY BLOG!

Anyway… Now I’m practically down to 5 options:

1. Continue to share the connection with the landlord’s family and let the phone line die after 12 months, all the while try not to kill the landlord’s son, and try not to let the landlord’s son kill me; or

2. find an affordable, i.e. non-existent, cable plan; or

3. go with Optus’ Internet plans, which is way out of budget and essentially a rip-off; or

4. cancel the phone line for a $200 fee, sign up with Telstra for $300, then sign up with the ISP of my choice; or

5. build a time machine and try to stop my past self from signing up with Optus.

None of which, unfortunately, particularly appeals to me.

Or maybe I really need to just GTFO of this otherwise fine country.

*Warning: This is a long, rambly rant entry. (At least I warned you somewhere!)

UPDATE: Turns out there’s an old, inactive Telstra phone line lying around in the house so I looked into this Naked DSL thing. I called the Telstra people about the line at first and the woman yelled at me when she heard that I only wanted to get Naked DSL on it (I shouldn’t have told her that; or called Telstra, even).

I later called and signed up with iiNet (the rep laughed when he heard about the Telstra woman’s response); but the Optus tech used my Telstra line instead of giving me a new one so I had to call Optus to come in and fix it again (for free; the woman on the line was also very nice and polite). iiNet then did something and said my line was activated but I couldn’t get connected. I called in again and they said there’s something wrong with the Telstra line so a Telstra tech came in (for free). Telstra tech did something while I greeted him with morning breath…

36 days later, I’m finally connected to iiNet. The waiting period was very long in my case but things have been good so far otherwise. The friends say I get disconnected on MSN every now and then, though.

Special thanks to the landlord’s son and his girlfriend for their invaluable help. We don’t have to kill each other now.

posted on Thursday, July 17, 2008 @ 8:25 pm

On one very rare day when Vickie was, like, not at her computer…

Guy #1: Hello.
Vickie: ?
Guy #1: Do I know you? You look really familiar.
Vickie: …

Later, on a train.

Person taps Vickie on the shoulder.

Guy #2: Excuse me.
Vickie: ?
Guy #2: Are you a star?
Vickie: …

On the other hand, if this is what I’ve been doing wrong — as in, why I’m not getting the ladies other than the fact that most ladies just aren’t into ladies, then I really need to grow some balls.

On the other other hand, I may also be the evil one?!

posted on Monday, May 26, 2008 @ 5:45 pm

Roughly a year and three months ago, Vickie secretly worked at a two-Australian-dollar shop. It’s seriously amazing what vast age range of people would use what vast range of techniques and tricks to steal what vast range of things while you’re at the cash register serving another customer. Hmm, I did mention I worked at a $2 shop, right? But this entry has nothing to do with shoplifting, so moving on.

During one of those narcissistic mirror-staring because there was nothing else to entertain me days, one of those mothers walked into the shop pushing one of those strollers with one of those little boys in it. Now I’m completely immune to cuteness and babies or toddlers, so when that little boy with short, curly blonde hair tried to climb out of the stroller while the mother looked away, I thought I’d make myself helpful and said, “He is falling!” (How that has anything to do with being immune to cuteness and babies or toddlers, the world may never know.)

The mother turned to look at the boy, then looked at me, then looked back at the boy.

“Bad girl, bad GIRL!” screamed the mother while she fixed the boy GIRL. I panicked a little, stood there and tried to think up an excuse or apology (hrmm, she looks like a boy? Me no speak Engrish?); but before I could mutter another sound, they had left the shop and were never seen again.

Now that I think about it, maybe she was really screaming at me, not at GIRL.

GIRL, you’re one year and three months older now, probably no longer pushed around in the stroller that you so desperately wanted to climb out of. But GIRL, if you mummy won’t let you wear trousers, sit with your legs comfortably apart, have short hair, not wear make-up, climb a tree, leave the kitchen, play video games or write a program…

I’m sorry. It was probably me…