And so, whirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr (that’s the noise of my vibrator, guys).

And then… instead of sexy thoughts and the Big O, I suddenly remembered this.

I suppose laughing also works…

Remember to remove all batteries from all toys after using them, especially the ultra quiet ones, even when you’re sure you already switched them off. Stop telling people you’re jealous of the air being vibrated all night. That’s just freaky. Also make sure you always have spare batteries. Don’t bang your head against the wall when you don’t. That doesn’t help.

P.S. You forgot to introduce Trusties #4, 5 and 6 to people, so I shall do it for you:

… Oh my goodness. You brought the camcorder USB cord over here instead of the one for your digital camera. You bloody idiot!

Okay, maybe it is kind of bad; but on the plus side, the dream fairy is generally especially nice to me during those days, too. Guess who just had hardcore sex with her most favourite game character in a dream last night? *snickers*

Although funnily enough, I’ve always been a male in my wet dreams. I’m not sure what it could possibly symbolise. That I secretly crave for straight sex? That I actually want to be a man? That I feel that’s the only way I could satisfy my ladies in the dreams? That there’s an unknown male version of me somewhere in the universe? Heh, maybe not the last one.

Whichever way, can’t argue with the fairy. Am content. *goes back to reminisce dream*

(I think I humped the pillow, but I try not to visualise.)

Now that I got the weird thought out of my head, I have a less weird and completely unrelated confession to make.

I… I have a fetish.

It’s strange. The typically bold and unblushing Vickie who enjoys sharing sex and masturbation stories (in real life alike) would feel uncomfortable confessing to having a fetish. It isn’t even anything remotely like a scat fetish, or blood fetish, or necrophilia, or bestiality, or incest. It isn’t even anything illegal. It’s… just…

I’ve had this fetish ever since I could remember, at as early as the tender age of, what, 6 or 7. Just back then I didn’t know that the word “fetish” existed, didn’t know that was considered a fetish, and wasn’t even bothered about my mixed feelings when I came across that kind of “situation”. It’s funny how things become so much more complicated as you grow older.

You’d think this is exactly the thing to share with your sex buddy… I doubt if my ex-girlfriend knew any of it. I doubt if I’d have the courage to even hint about it to my next partner (if applicable). Yet, with this fetish, I’ll need the help from a partner. Oowrrgh…

But at least I know I’m indeed not alone; bless the Internet for multiple reasons.

No, I’m not telling. Yet.

As everybody already knows, I do it solo all night every night. Literally. Well, sort of. Aaanyway, since I’m not really as open and selfish as people thought I am, I always keep everything down — especially considering that I still live with my parents, and the brother’s room is just next to mine.

So then there was this weekend that Bro and I decided to play an old and out(?) game called Beat Mania on the PlayStation together. We played through every single song once, until this song called “Do It All Night” popped up. We’ve played the song so many times over the years.

“It’s so your song,” Bro commented suddenly while the song was loading. “You do it all night.”

Speechless, I sat there, not sure whether to laugh or blush or argue or deny. “Caught ya!” I could almost hear my brother say. It’s not that people don’t already know what I do all the time, but to be “confronted” like that after so many nights… Gosh, perhaps he’s been waiting for this chance to tell me that he knew when I’d been doing it all along.

I headed back to my room after supper and took trusty vibrator #2 out. Now that I think about it, Trusty #2 is actually rather loud even when it wasn’t on full power. It must be her that Bro knew. It had to be.

I looked at the vibrator one last time: it’s rather worn out being used so frequently for almost 4 years. See, that little piece was kind of falling out, the other side wouldn’t start sometimes and I almost had to kick it to get it working, and the batteries always choose the best time to die…

I giggled at the thought despite myself; considered chucking the vibrator in the bin for a moment but decided against it. Perhaps. Perhaps she’d be useful again one day.

“It’s been fun, Trusty #2, really,” I told her as I gently placed her back to where she always rested. “Rest in peace, darling. I’ll miss you.”

But oh, this can’t possibly be the end of Vickie’s fun nightlife. What is it you say you see Vickie has in her hands? That’s right! Trusty vibrator #3: bigger, better and much quieter.

Heh heh.

Yep, I had fun with trusty vibrator #2 again. (For your information, it’s my most favourite sex toy, so it shouldn’t surprise you that it’s mentioned all over the place.)

And of course, you guessed the rest of the story. I was too tired to put trusty vibrator #2 away after the mind-blowing orgasm, and completely forgot about it in the morning. My maid made my bed and must have known that I masturbated blah blah blah.

But there’s more to it this time.

This time my brother caught me forgetting to hide it…

Well, actually, trusty vibrator #2 doesn’t look too much like a sex toy anyway, so you might think that there isn’t much to worry about.

Not if my brother picked it up and asked what it was, then without a satisfying (no pun intended) answer, switched it on and saw it all vibrating and stuff.

Good god, why don’t I ever learn to tidy up after I use something?

You know, I masturbate. I own vibrators and dildos. I like to do it before I sleep.

I did it last night, and had a terrific orgasm; so terrific that I fell asleep immediately after it. Oh yes, I used trusty vibrator #2.

I forgot about everything this morning. Got up, ate, shat, made a couple site layouts while watching TV… the day went on, until when I go back to my room again after supper…

I found that trusty vibrator #2 was just lying around my pillow.

Which means, I forgot to “hide” trusty vibrator #2 after my business.

Which means, when my maid (who lives with us at home) cleaned my room and tidied my bed, saw the vibrator just lying around like that.

Which also means, that she knew I masturbated last night using this vibrator.

How very embarrassing is that!

Hello, my name is Vickie. I’m an eighteen year-old lesbian schoolgirl. Are you up for a gag?

As we all know, pussies lick their fur while grooming, squirrels eat nuts, dogs chase after balls, and cows are horny. That’s bestiality.

Speaking of animals, do you know what my ‘pet’ peeve is? People who spell come as cum really piss me off.

Oh and what do you call a group consisting of three musicians? Do you call them a triplet or a threesome? Oh wait, of course, you call them a trio.

I’ll shut up now, otherwise people are going to think I’m a pervert with inflatable tits.

Some months ago when I was still in England, Helen and I were in the school computer room using the Internet. The boarding house computers were not as cool as those at school, so we got to go and use the faster connection every Wednesday. I was trying to go onto neopets.com.

By the way, Neopets is a cool site. Feel free to click the link and join (and earn me a referral point!).

I was trying to type http://www.neopets.com.

http://ww…

“Vickie, blah blah blah blah blah.” Helen said.

“Blah? Blah blah blah.” I replied as I continued to type. [Enter]

“!!!” Helen.

I was confused by Helen’s reaction, so I turned back to the computer screen.

Heaven! It’s heaven! Nudity! Sexy ladies! Hardcore sex! Explicit Sex!

It turned out I typed http://wwwwet.com instead (I’m not linking it – don’t even think about it!). How did that happen? Was I having a spasm or something?

I burst into an uncontrollable laughter as Helen glared at me in horror. “Wet.com, hahahaha, wet.com!” I laughed so much I thought I was going to die.

“Err, Vickie…”

Then I stopped laughing. I forgot what sort of a situation I was in. I was at school, with a school staff somewhere behind me.

I jumped up and covered the screen. Stupid – I attracted even more attention. “Nothing, nothing. Just…” People turned and looked but immediately lost interest. What? How boring! I mean, *phew* lucky. Nobody else caught me; but hey, I didn’t even intend to go on the porn site!

Private Home Tutor for English

Name: Vickie Diablos
Subject(s): English (Maths and Science if required)
Available Area: Hong Kong
Age Range(s): any
Qualification: HKCEE English – A; A-level Physics, Chemistry, Biology, Mathematics, Further Mathematics
Other: 2 years in Southern England; very fluent in both Cantonese and English
Contact Details: 2XXXXXXX

Damn, wish I could put this ad up as well.

Hot Sexy Lesbian Seeking Lesbian

Name: Vickie Diablos
Subject(s): homosexuality
Available Area: where the sun doesn’t shine
Age Range(s): 16 or above
Qualification: out of the closet
Other: grrrrrr
Contact Details: 2XXXXXXX 24-hour hotline. Call now, baby!

Just kidding.