Vickiepedia

De internez is suzh a greatz phlace. I have dis ulztra phainful ulczer or sore or whaztever you call itz in wmy wmouth, whiczh hurtz like hell whenevher I trwy to talk or eatz, and you can’tz evhen tell fromn de otzher side ofh da screen. I bhlame dose wmonthly horwmonal changes; bhut it’sz phossibhle dat I bhit mwy cheek withdout remwembhering it. Tomworrow — itz’ll hopvefully bhe bhetter tomworrow…

Can somweone trwanslate dat to English fwor mwe, phlease?

Glycine alanine valine leucine isoleucine proline phenylalanine tryptophan tyrosine serine threonine cysteine methionine asparagine glutamine lysine arginine histidine aspartate glutamate.

Glycine alanine valine leucine isoleucine proline phenylalanine tryptophan tyrosine serine threonine cysteine methionine asparagine glutamine lysine arginine histidine aspartate glutamate.

Glycine alanine valine leucine isoleucine proline phenylalanine tryptophan tyrosine serine threonine cysteine methionine asparagine glutamine lysine arginine histidine aspartate glutamate glycine alanine valine leucine isoleucine proline phenylalanine tryptophan tyrosine serine threonine cysteine methionine asparagine glutamine lysine arginine histidine aspartate glutamate glycine alanine valine leucine isoleucine proline phenylalanine tryptophan tyrosine serine threonine cysteine methionine asparagine glutamine lysine arginine histidine aspartate glutamate glycine alanine valine leucine isoleucine proline phenylalanine tryptophan tyrosine serine threonine cysteine methionine asparagine glutamine lysine arginine histidine aspartate glutamate glycine alanine valine leucine isoleucine proline phenylalanine tryptophan tyrosine serine threonine cysteine methionine asparagine glutamine lysine arginine histidine aspartate glutamate.

Has this ever happened to other people, or was it just me?

Some months ago when I was still in England, Helen and I were in the school computer room using the Internet. The boarding house computers were not as cool as those at school, so we got to go and use the faster connection every Wednesday. I was trying to go onto neopets.com.

By the way, Neopets is a cool site. Feel free to click the link and join (and earn me a referral point!).

I was trying to type http://www.neopets.com.

http://ww…

“Vickie, blah blah blah blah blah.” Helen said.

“Blah? Blah blah blah.” I replied as I continued to type. [Enter]

“!!!” Helen.

I was confused by Helen’s reaction, so I turned back to the computer screen.

Heaven! It’s heaven! Nudity! Sexy ladies! Hardcore sex! Explicit Sex!

It turned out I typed http://wwwwet.com instead (I’m not linking it – don’t even think about it!). How did that happen? Was I having a spasm or something?

I burst into an uncontrollable laughter as Helen glared at me in horror. “Wet.com, hahahaha, wet.com!” I laughed so much I thought I was going to die.

“Err, Vickie…”

Then I stopped laughing. I forgot what sort of a situation I was in. I was at school, with a school staff somewhere behind me.

I jumped up and covered the screen. Stupid – I attracted even more attention. “Nothing, nothing. Just…” People turned and looked but immediately lost interest. What? How boring! I mean, *phew* lucky. Nobody else caught me; but hey, I didn’t even intend to go on the porn site!

I’m planning to become a private tutor. This is the ad that will be seen in shops very soon!

Private Home Tutor for English

Name: Vickie Diablos
Subject(s): English (Maths and Science if required)
Available Area: Hong Kong
Age Range(s): any
Qualification: HKCEE English – A; A-level Physics, Chemistry, Biology, Mathematics, Further Mathematics
Other: 2 years in Southern England; very fluent in both Cantonese and English
Contact Details: 2XXXXXXX

Damn, wish I could put this ad up as well.

Hot Sexy Lesbian Seeking Lesbian

Name: Vickie Diablos
Subject(s): homosexuality
Available Area: where the sun doesn’t shine
Age Range(s): 16 or above
Qualification: out of the closet
Other: grrrrrr
Contact Details: 2XXXXXXX 24-hour hotline. Call now, baby!

Just kidding.

2:59 a.m.

“Jacky!” The sister screamed. “It’s happening!!”

“W-what?” The brother asked nervously.

“It… it’s not good. I don’t think it’s going to last too long…” The sister murmured. “Look…”

“Oh no!”

“What should I do? What should I do?!” She paced up and down anxiously. “I don’t want to lose it. Not yet, not just yet…”

The brother didn’t know what to say, so the sister sat herself down, hoping that in doing so, she’d becalm both of themselves.

She suddenly remembered all the time she spent with it, all the memories; it’s been awhile…

“…”

“That’s it!” She looked up. “It’s got to go.”

“… Do you need my help?” The brother offered.

She shook her head. “I have to do this myself…”

The sister took a deep breath. She reached for it slowly.

“Ah!” She winced. “I can’t do this. I just can’t!”

The brother looked at his sister, speechless and helpless. They both looked away from it.

… *gulp*

The sister took another deep breath and turned back to it. She reached for it again – this time, more determined.

The brother held his breath.

“…”

“AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!”

Okay, I won’t tease you any more. That was what happened this morning at 3 a.m. The characters are real; the brother is obviously my brother and the sister me.

I didn’t miss anybody, did I?

Oh right, *it*.

It is something we all have, and almost all of us take it for granted. It’s there on you, but you hardly realise its importance until you lose it.

So…

it is…

(drumroll…)

a finger-nail!

Too much introduction for it? I told you you’d belittle it.

For those who don’t know what happened, I had a minor accident back in May, and the finger-nail of my right little finger came off. I did a surgery and they put the old nail back on. (Yes – my first plastic surgery!) It’s finally come off after two months, and all I’m left with is this fragile, pathetic, thin, soft piece of new nail covering 95% of what it normally would. It’s still growing (hopefully!).

Oh, the brother is back for the computer. Take care you all!

And be careful with doors!