Vickiepedia

Friday, August 04, 2006:

Mysterious Voice: Yo, Vickie.
Vickie: … Karma?! Is that you? Haven’t heard from you for ages!
Karma: No shit. Listen, here’s the deal. I know it’s raining and you’re feeling generally lethargic, but if you’d get your lazy arse out of the house today and go buy the lab coat you need for next Monday…
Vickie: …
Karma: Or if you go tomorrow, so help me, in addition to having to walk in the rain, you’d also get hit on by a random guy at the station who would follow you for another 3 minutes after you got off the train, then arrive at the shop that sells your lab coat riiiight after it closes, then head back home with nothing but $5 down the drain and wet trouser legs. Oh, I’m not even going to let you know what’s happening on Sunday.
Vickie: Ha! Yeh, whatever. Late!

Saturday, August 05, 2006:
Karma you bitch, I hate you so very much.

It all started with noticing my friend’s new Gmail account — the cute little period inside his username. What do you mean? Of course everybody loves the period, because if you missed one… Anyway, I stared at the little dot for a bit; hey, that’s neat, and decided that I should create another Gmail account with one. For no other use, for no other reason.

I went ahead and sent myself a Gmail invite. I’ve always used vickiediablos as my moniker. Desired Login Name: “vickie.diablos” Beautiful. Check availability.

vickie.diablos is not available…

The hell? As far as I know, I’m the only Vickie Diablos on the ‘net. As far as I know, I’m not popular. As far as I know, nobody hates me that much. But why, how, what, where, when… vickie.diablos couldn’t have been taken. The person who took it must be up to something. Impersonation… Oh, the damage they could do.

I was about to panic, about to explode, about to warn every person I knew online and offline that vickie.diablos was not me. But Ms Sense came knocking on the door. Thankfully.

“Oh puh-lease, Vickie,” said she.

In the end, I discovered that it was actually Gmail being thoughful not to allow people to register accounts with the same username regardless of the number of periods between the alphabets. I almost made a bigger fool of myself trying to save my non-existent reputation.

If only Ms Sense would marry me… Will you marry me? Aww, come on. Don’t be mean.

Friend: Did you see the new character on “皆大歡喜”?
Vickie: The one played by 馬浚偉 (Steven Ma)? Yes, what about him?
Friend: The two of you are really alike.
Vickie: Alike? How so?
Friend: You know, you’re stuck up, selfish and stupid juuust like the character.
Vickie: ……
Friend: Haha
Vickie: Fuck off

People kept on asking what I did for my 19th birthday yesterday. Well, I wouldn’t mind telling – at all. Here it is!

At 8 a.m. yesterday, I woke up in the pleasant smell of fried bacon and eggs. My maid knew I was feeling rather cold, so she made something nice and warm for me and only me. Then while I was filling my stomach elegantly, I received a phone call from the Dean saying that I didn’t have to go to school because it’s my really special day. Despite that, and since I’m ever such a good student, I decided to attend the lectures as usual.

People were really nice to me that day. Upon my arrival, I was greeted by all 27 of my classmates, each holding a present in their hands. I was modestly surprised; but I wasn’t really, because I was always popular like that. I thanked each and every one of them wholeheartedly, and left the University quickly to meet up with my date.

She was there the whole time waiting for me very patiently, Angelina Jolie. She gave me a big bunch of roses that she hid behind her back, and whispered “Happy Birthday” to my ears; to which I blushed shyly. Her chauffeur then drove the two of us to a really romantic place at the Peak. We dined. The food was excellent, but Angelina and I knew that we’re going to have an even better time later.

And so we went to a hotel bedroom.

And we had fun.

Yeh, you knew I was telling the truth, because you can’t possibly believe the rumours that I was ill the whole time and was still rushing my lab report in for today, can you?

Ah, my wonderful 19th birthday!

The original programme “Re: Anti-Homophobia”, a sequel of “Anti-Homophobia”, scheduled for today was interrupted by the educational programme “Premenstrual Syndrome”. Sorry for the inconvenience caused.

More than one in three women suffer from Premenstrual Syndrome (PMS). There are over 150 symptoms associated with it, some of the more commonly experienced are: bloating, headaches, irritability, weight gain, skin problems, mood swings & depression, aggression, fatigue, breast tenderness, poor concentration, tearfulness, the feeling of being misunderstood. Others include tension, anger, anxiety, panic attacks, mental confusion, sinus problems, asthma, epilepsy, styes, acne, alcohol abuse, craving for sweet things, binge eating, backache, blah blah blah.

We have interviewed a fellow PMS sufferer, PMS-Vickie.

Profanity check: on

Followed by lots of random rambling. Sorry to interrupt the programme again with… TWO MOTHS FLYING AROUND ME!! Got to go!!!